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missing...or not ___2000-12-20 - 05:03:22

Most of the time, I like being alone. As was said in the movie "Next Stop Wonderland" . . . "the only time I feel alone is when I'm in a crowd."

But I guess even the Great Shinigami (Death God) can be wrong.

I talked to my . . . well, I guess you can call him my "boyfriend"(aka Robert, Trunks, Vegita, etc.), today. And, I hate to admit it, but hearing his voice only made me miss him more. And now that it's late at night . . . or early morning, whichever, I can't stop thinking about him.

I find myself missing human contact. And I'm daydreaming. I hate daydreaming. I just want them to leave me. They won't bring him back . . . or closer.

The dreams are like knives in my back, dark reminders of what I'm lacking. Damn, I hate being like this. If only he were here, then MAYBE - no.

No . . . I must not become dependent. I must not fall for him. I must not believe him when he says he loves me. But I can't ignore him, either.

I wish . . . I wish I knew what love was.

I thought I knew once, but that feels like a lifetime ago. A lifetime without my soulmate.

My soulmate . . . no. We weren't two halves of a whole. We were mirrored images of the same soul. Two stubborn Taureans until the end . . . too stubborn to admit we were cruel beyond imagination.

One thing's for sure, I don't miss THAT sadistic bastard.