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Jealousy ___2001-01-17 - 22:51:25

*WARNING* HEARSAY and EX BASHING

Jealousy is a powerful thing. It makes people do the strangest things. Hn. I should know. But this is not about what I did today. This is about two guys.

The first: My REAL EX (as in EXcrament! ^_^)

The second: Paul, the guy who acts like he's my EX

My REAL ex is Mike. Hn. I don't feel like going into THIS mistake . . . the only reason I went out with him was to ATTEMPT to make Paul jealous. (OK, this was SUPPOSED to be about THEM.) And BOY did THAT work . . . a little TOO well. Hell, the 1st (yes the FIRST) day that Mike and I officially started "going out," Paul came up to me and said, "You know I love you."

*screams* I don't know why that works me up just thinking about it, but he just said it in a (what I considered to be) SARCASTIC tone. After today *sigh* I'm beginning to doubt my convictions.

But back to EX#1 (or if I include the guy I DIDN'T go out with, Paul, then Mike is EX#2. Hm...sounds good.)

EX#2(Mike) was bestfriends with my current BF(Robert). (Lately, I REALLY wonder if I should stress the "was") I was worried that Mike might be upset about the fact that Robert and I are an item. Apparently, my suspicions were correct. *WARNING* MORE hearsay: Robert told me that Mike told Erik that [Mike] was going to try and break us up.

*more screams* I hate men! Well, EX's . . . can they even be considered men? ^_^

Well, today, I was sitting down to eat lunch with my BF . . . when guess who should walk into the room? You guessed it! You should get a prize! (SHOULD, but...) The guy who acts like he should be EX#1 ... Paul! Bah! That guy just does these weird things that get on my nerves. Ignore him? Hn. Believe me, ignoring HIM isn't easy ...

1. When he walked into the room he walked right up to stand behind me for a minute or so. (What the Hell was he doing!?)

2. He sat at a table, less than two feet from mine, and situated himself so I could see him in my peripheral(?side?) vision. (I HATE it when he looks at me like that!)

3. Robert put his arm around me and EX#1 says, "Get your hands off my woman!" (Grrrrrr!!!!)

4. Paul and Brian(his stupid, annoying, jerk of a bestfriend who pissed me off SO royally one day that I threw his full backpack into a dumpster! ^_^) kept making comments like, "she's so sexy"..."those black jeans she wears *sound of something resembling wolflike approval*" ... and finally "he's got his hands all over my woman!" (I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around and said all TOO calmly, "I have never been, nor will I EVER be, YOUR woman." *scream* I-HATE-him!")

5. At one point Robert did something normal for him. He reached over, grabbed my chair, and gently pulled me to his side in an "I want you now" type of mood. (Oooh. Jade LIKE!) As the move ended, I reacted normally for me and melted into him. But as I did so, I felt my chair being pulled BACKWARDS! (THAT son-of-a-BITCH!!!!)

I told Robert not to do anything about it (he's one of those guys who is kind of aggressive). Stupidly, I also told him the surefire way to get them to stop. I would have to hit on them! *cringes, gags* I feel so DIRTY for saying THAT! But it's the truth. It's the only way to scare Paul off. But since I have Robert now . . . I don't want to do it.

I'll admit, I used to think that I had feelings for Paul. But with Robert it's different. It's REAL. I LOVE him.

But part of me keeps whispering, "What if Paul means what he says?" And the other part says, "He's lying. He's ALWAYS lied to you. Don't forget that." Suddenly, I think I have an answer.

If Paul DOES mean what he says, then it's just shitty timing. Simply, he's TOO late. I gave him 2 1/2 YEARS of my heart and he didn't react. But now that I have someone else, he does. I think it's spite or maybe even jealousy. Most likely, he's just doing these things to hurt/toy with me. But it boils down to that one thing again. Shitty timing, Paul. You had your chance and, now, it's too late for us. Because now, you can't hurt me anymore.

~Duo no Tsuin~