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18- "Looking Back With Questions"... and answers ___2001-04-23 - 6:56 p.m.

*sigh* I can't believe it. It's the 23rd already? Sheesh...

Then that means... this Saturday. Yup, it's the 28th. And that means... MY 18th.

*sigh* I hate birthdays. Well, mine anyways. I always get depressed around then. Why? Well... I guess it's because I feel like the year was wasted, that's all. Hm. That reminds me of what I wrote last year...

---------

Looking Back With Questions (Written: 4/21/2000)

One week to go,

Then another year ends.

Another year of life gone by.

So many mistakes

Were added to the long list.

Mistakes of the past were repeated.

Why can't I change?

Why do I still do the same things?

Every year I say

This year will be different.

This year will be better.

But as one more year

Comes to a close,

I look back and see

That I am still the same old me.

I still act the same.

I still think the same.

I still look the same.

I may even still feel the same.

Much has changed

Since the year gone by.

"My friends," and I are estranged.

Now, I have only "my guys."

But is that enough?

I left one group for another.

But despite the changed faces

I still feel the same.

I still have the same insecurities.

Why can't I change

Instead of all that is around me?

The dearest face

Has changed as well.

The Taurean

Whom I once believed I loved,

Is but an empty ache in my heart.

Now, there is another.

On the day symbolized by hearts,

He gave a letter to show his heart.

My heart filled with love,

For I had never known

What it was to be wanted.

But I still do not know

What it is that I want.

My needs must still be the same.

My desires are also, at heart.

But if I am changed,

Then can they truly be the same.

I think not.

But have my thoughts changed as well?

Do they truly care for me?

Do they desire my company?

Can they live without me?

I wish I knew the answers.

But if I knew

The answers to my questions,

Would I get the desired answers?

-----end-------

Well, THAT brings me back... to the pain, sadness... and to a time when I actually WROTE. Well, poetry, anyway. I've actually had a craving to write some lately... since HE and I... what a story... what emotions... what senSAtions... *sigh* Who KNOWS what may come of it...

<*~~~~~~Duo no Tsuin~~~~~~*