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Big Fish - Stars ___Thursday, Apr. 29, 2004 - 11:29 pm

My mom was so worried about what she could get me for my birthday. She was so worried that she couldn't get me what I wanted-- what I needed to make my life better.

Who knows why she chose that particular item.

Could have been the actor.

Or the director.

Or the supreme coincidence of it being the new movie for sale in the grocery store for more money than the Walmart.

Big Fish.

I remember the stunning visuals I saw breifly in the commercials when it was going to debut in theatres. It looked like ... a dream.

Magic.

A mix of reality and fantasy. Of fact and fairytale. Of past and present of a man.

And the realm in between.

The wonder it has placed in my heart has few words to describe it for what it is.

A magical tale.

Something that left my heart feeling ... wonderous and yearning like that of a child.

The perfect gift is something that the recipient would never buy for themself.

I probably wouldn't have bought this movie. Or maybe I would have in a few months. But whatever possessed my mother to buy it, magic or the fact that she's my mother and should know me best, I thank it.

Common sense told me to be thankful for her kindness and generosity.

But my heart tells me that there are greater things that I could do to make her proud. Things that for three years I have found reasons not to do or just because I was scared.

Scared like a child of the darkness.

But tonight, I got a glimpse of the light.

I saw some things that could never be ... but things that seem unbelieveable are often the truth.

And for a moment, I was inspired again.

Just like a child listening to a fairytale.

Meant to give us hope, they often frighten us.

Then we choose a different path.

And later we realize that if we had done things differently, perhaps taken the harder path, we could have found a place even greater than where we are already.

But if that were true, then why isn't my mother there already?

She had so many ... unsavory things happen to her in her life. Yet she lives ... but in a life she is not suited for.

She deserves SO much more.

And all she worries about is how she can help me get there to that make-believe world where the grass is so green and the stars shine twice as bright at night.

I have to find a way.

I NEED to.

No 'thank you' could ever be greater, no gift so precious as immortality.

Once you see Big Fish, you will understand.

The thing about stories, fairytales, and tall tales is... they can live forever.

And isn't it every child's dream for their parent to do so?

I often muse that if I could find the right words ... children of the future could look up in the stars and see her. There, she would smile down on them with that kindess and generosity she always showed me and give them the courage to go on.

Fly skyward, young traveler. Journey to the moon and beyond as she did. Live free.

And then you will see yourself reflected in her eyes, eyes that could see both light and dark, and you will be shining... bathed in the light of happiness.

Love.

Goodnight, Mother.

One day, you will be the very stars and you will have gone to space as you always dreamed you would as a child.

If I can find a way in this life...

...you will.