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Consequences of living dreams ___Tuesdaynight, Mar. 23, 2004 - 12:09 am

Why are there no good songs on the radio when I need the comfort?

Instead, I get Ms. Nightimewanna Be Shrink talking about how "you" shouldn't spend time worrying about the past or what could happen in the future. Live in the moment; live every day to it's fullest.

Okay, so according to Ms. NBS-- let's just call her BS for short-- when the "right" moment comes I should punch out that bitch, flip off that under the speedlimit driving old woman, kick that male chauvenist pig in the balls, or grab that hottie and kiss him breathless.

It's a wonder people without common sense think "it's okay to act that way."

Ms. BS is full of herself. *heh* Using her ideal, I would lose all semblance of cause and effect-- action and consequence. If I don't consider what the "future" might bring, then I might create some heinous acts. Or just random acts of indecency.

Screw the consequences.

The "heart wants what the heart wants."

So does the body, hentai.

I'd hug him like he did me the other night.

I doubt I'd let go.

Worse stll, I might capture his lips...

But that's not realistic.

I'm just addicted to what I can't have.

"Hammering in my head like a bullet train from tokyo...

... to Los Angeles."

It would be better if you did ask her out-- no matter how "beautiful" she may be. Just, please, let her like you too. Let her say, "Yes." Let her be your soulmate.

Please.

I don't sound very convincing, do I?

Tomorrow, I think I'll apologize for my behavior monday night. That dream showed me that I would rather you have a friend than not in my life at all.

Just like me. Be my friend and I'll be yours.

Sometimes, I fantasize that he and I would go somewhere... not on a work schedule. To a movie, the mall, some secluded star filled sky ... almost anywhere.

But then I'd live in the moment and forget the consequences of tomorrow.

Oh, to be free like that.

In my nice clothes, being myself (not my work persona), speaking my words in my more "pleasing" voice ... your breath. Then you could see why I talk down about myself all the time.

At least then, you'd know the truth.

"If you want to change yourself, then try something new."

I wish your words were that true.

Even listening to Garbage: Version 2.O isn't helping, much. It's almost making it worse. With song titles like, "Temptation Waits," "I Think I'm Paranoid," "Hammering in my Head," "Push It," "Sleep Together," "Wicked Ways," "You Look So Fine"... it's almost torture. (All tracks minus five)

Maybe I'll listen to "The Trick is to Keep Breathing."

It's the truth. All I can do is so up for work and keep breathing each day.

If I hold my breath around him, then I might do something else to regret. Something that could ruin my life.

But part of me wants to risk it.

The lusty/insane part, obviously.

Maybe I'll hug him this time.

Yeah right.

But it sure sounds nice, doesn't?

I'm insane for thinking of someone-- I can't have him-- like we might have a chance.

It's just not realistic.

Reality is that we'll never be more than friends.

If I don't manage to screw that up, that is.

I should have forgot my leftover food in the fridge and walked him to his car again. He was so quiet tonight. "I just don't have anything that I want to talk about." With me? Of course. Why would you bother. Don't. I'll just chatter away about nonsense until you say something back.

I'm just teasing you, aren't I?

I broke your heart before you ever started caring.

Oh well, at least he won't get attached and lovey dovey/wanna start a relationship with me.

But when our time working there together is gone...

... where will that leave us?

Exchange phone numbers? No. You're not the type.

Email? "Why bother," you said once.

Hang out? Not when you've got your "buddies" and prospective hottie girlfriends.

Oh well, I guess I should enjoy the conversations while I can.

Always dreaming of more.

I hope your night is a restful one, unlike mine.

~~~Duo no Tsuin